Mars Vs Venus
Very long time ago, read about men and women are from Mars and Venus respectively.
Can’t remember the details, but the main point is to emphasize the difference between men and women. I can only recall that women are more emotional, and thus sharing of feelings are important for women while this is different for men, saying that men are more problem solving-oriented–which means actual action in solving problem is more important than emotional expression for men.
Thus, sometimes when girls try to tell guys about their problems, it is not necessarily they want guys to help them solve a problem, sometimes they might just want the guys to be listener. And yet sometimes, when they mentioned about a problem, it is not necessarily complaining about something but actually is to notify them that there is such a problem.
Probably because of this, guys might be confused: when are they actually need a listener and when they actually need help?
A good suggestion could be just asking:’Is there anything I can help?’, to find out whether they just need a pair of listening ears or they might really need some help. Sometimes girls themselves might not realize the purpose of themselves talking about certain issues, sometimes it is just something came up in their mind and they might just want to share it with guys. If it’s just for sharing, guys trying to suggest something to solve the problem may not seem too much annoying and definitely won’t do any harm, right?
From some training courses, I’ve learned that, an excellent customer service or consultant will never complaint about customers not knowing what they need, instead, they help customers to clarify or understand about their needs. It applies here too, in improvement of communication in a relationship.
No offence in sexual discrimination, no doubt the ‘mars and venus theory’ might not apply to everybody. I guess it depends very much on personality instead of gender. There might be guys who like to complaint and girls who are problem solving-oriented.
To me, I admitted that there are times I might not realized for things which I’ve said maybe interpreted as seeking for help (but actually just to complaint or whine a bit) or as a complaint (but actually just simply notifying the person that there’s such a problem-something’s wrong and needs to be fixed). For the former case, probably because that is a person that I trust and thus I did not think much when telling him about things I faced. While for the latter, probably I don’t know how to troubleshoot, or if I can do something, I might just want to notify the person about something I noticed. But sometimes I only realized that the person might not want to know after the misunderstanding, or sometime later-many apologies if I’ve made anyone feel so.
Probably, asking me ‘What do you want me to do?’ in an impatient manner will make me realize that I should think deep before talking to that person, and maybe keep a distance when talking. If this is what the person want.
Many apologies for the misunderstandings caused, for I can’t help it as I am from Venus.lol
November 18th, 2008 at 10:16 am
A friend of mine just emailed me one of your articles from a while back. I read that one a few more. Really enjoy your blog. Thanks
November 18th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
normally this kind of book for me it just suitable for reference reading only but can’t believe all the book telling is true! If a person( guy & gal ) can tame down their selfishness or egoingness sure the world will peace and calm! ha… why must be shared with guy? Try to share ur problems with female friends la( guy so useless )..then see how the outcome?!
November 19th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Unfortunately i dont think i read it from a book, i think it’s sum sort of circulated e-mails with similarity to craps to certain extent. never thought of using it as bible neither reference! probably it’s jus the terms used to describe but emotional expression in females are proven biologically and psychologically wise–this is science. Lol good point bout guy so useless–i totally agree that but i also feel that we should stil share problems with guys to give them a chance to improve themselves–B more useful pls!! kidding–this kinda sharing could increase the intimacy between both parties–in terms of spiritually. lol i think guys share their problems with other people too jus not as emotional as girls. sharing of problems could be a basic need to maintain fitness of mental health.